Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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