And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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