the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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