yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
not ubering you a puppy
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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