no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
