just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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