Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
