Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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