BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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