we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
