I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
