3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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