I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
