the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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