After last night, I could never be a politician.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
