I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
