I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
