the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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