WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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