I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
