I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
