We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
