oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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