your parents love me but you hate me
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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