This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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