Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
