I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
