My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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