Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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