Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
