Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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