I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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