Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
