Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
