Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
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She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
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The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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