Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
