What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
