We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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