I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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