It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
