You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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