I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
