i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
