So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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