Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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