Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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