i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
