We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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