Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
