we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
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Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
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I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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