This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
