So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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