she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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