And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
