You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
