Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
