Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
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turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
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you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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