im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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