You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
