My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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