if only i could text you this smell
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why is there bacon in the couch?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
