To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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