College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
