He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
