Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
is wine microwaveable?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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