I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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