and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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