what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
