I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Holy sore nipples Batman
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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