So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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