im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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