His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
