Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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