u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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