I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
